Whether you know me personally or you know me from YouTube (or from somewhere else), you have to know that there are a few things I just don’t do. Some of those things are things I used to do, but the older I get, the more I realize that these things are toxic and a waste of my time and energy. I understand that whatever I allow into my life affects my energy and my ability to create the life I want.
So, there are some things I just DON’T DO.
- Getting involved in your personal drama: I love my drama-free bubble and I do my best to stay inside it. I spent a lot of years constructing it, you feel me? But every now and then, someone asks me to voluntarily get involved in drama, or they try to shove me in against my will. I can’t and won’t tolerate it. It causes anxiety and stress for me and it doesn’t belong to me. I have enough to think about – and I just cannot bring myself to become the mediator or “go-between” for two people who are in the middle of any sort of personal struggle, argument or drama of any sort. I do my best to avoid drama in general. Why would I want more? No thank you. I go silent.
- Responding to your unsolicited, rude private messages: Occasionally, someone finds it necessary to attack me personally for something I’ve said on YouTube or Facebook. They say ignorant things and make ignorant assumptions. And then they expect me to respond? If they are simply insulting me and not actually opening up a relevant conversation, I have no response for them. If they are insulting my work and have clearly taken something out of context, same deal. I don’t have time for it and it’s not a good use of my energy. So I either ignore them or block them.
- Spending too much time feeling sorry for myself: Look, everyone’s got stuff that isn’t perfect in their lives, and everyone’s got the ability to decide how they perceive that stuff. For the most part, if you’re not being actively abused or otherwise impeded by forces beyond your control, you can choose whether to be happy or not. If you choose to focus on and magnify the things that suck in your life, you’re just attracting more of those things. That’s why you won’t see or hear me moaning about everything that doesn’t thrill me in my life. I have learned the hard way that choosing to be happy is the best way to actually BE happy.
- Asking you to feel sorry for me: No, thank you. It just feels icky to me. That’s why you’ll NEVER see me airing personal drama on social media – not anything serious anyway. Some things are just personal, and I’ll deal with them myself. Not to mention the fact that there are so many actual problems in the world – I am blessed to be mostly dealing with only “first-world problems,” and I prefer to keep it that way. Not only do I not want you to waste your energy feeling sorry for me, but I don’t want to FEEL like you are wasting your energy feeling sorry for me. I don’t understand why some people seem to WANT everyone to feel that way. It makes no sense to me.
- Worrying and stressing about things I can’t control: I am a big fan of only focusing my energy on things I CAN control. Worry and stress do not create positive change in my life or my body. So if there is something happening that is outside of my control, I do not focus on it or worry about it. It will not change the outcome, and it WILL cause me to feel like crap and to be less healthy. It seems like basic logic to me to avoid that stuff.
- Trying to fix someone who doesn’t think they’re broken: You might think what I’m about to say is ironic given what I do for a living. But because no one is forced to read my books or blog, and no one is forced to watch my videos, I stand behind what I’m about to say. You won’t catch me trying to fix or help someone who truly does not want to change. I will not offer excessive unsolicited advice and I will never place my own happiness or wellbeing on the condition that someone else changes their life. The fact is that you cannot help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.
- Wasting my breath on someone who refuses to hear me: So many people get angry when people don’t hear them or understand them. They make themselves crazy trying to make the person understand what they are saying and why it makes sense. I did this for many years. But I learned the hard way that some people just won’t hear you. So my new rule is that I will attempt once to explain myself. If the person is not even attempting to understand, I just tell them they’re probably right, and I stop trying. And I don’t even get upset – I just recognize their limitations and move on.
- Judging you for your parenting choices, lifestyle or personal ways of doing things: As long as you’re not hurting or abusing anyone, I am not judging you. I am a huge proponent of the “live and let live” mindset. I have found that letting myself get angry or upset about something that really doesn’t pertain to me or affect me is just a huge waste of energy. So do what you will, and let me do the same.
- Thinking I’m better than (or less than) you: It’s really easy to develop a sense of superiority or to use virtue signaling to act like we’re better than people who make different choices than us. Same goes for people who are intrinsically different from us in other ways: race, religion, income level, etc. I find that to be truly happy, we must recognize that we are all connected and that we are all equal on so many levels. And when it comes down to it, regardless of the career, lifestyle, living space or other personal choices we make, we are all human and none of us is any better than (or less than) anyone. Recognizing everyone as equally important has been the catalyst to my recognizing that in fact, I am good enough, and so are you – despite what anyone else would have you believe.